Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
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