just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
