if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Success! We fucked roommates!
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
