All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize