her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
