his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
vagina is talking i cant
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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