the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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