Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Girls should come with a carfax report
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
