this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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