So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize