Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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