too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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