i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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