Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Randomize
