Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
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