I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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