Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
ttyl tear gas
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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