Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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