You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
