you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
