I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
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