singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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