we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize