Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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