I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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