Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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