Too much gin, very little bucket
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
