I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
