Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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