Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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