People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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