Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
