the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
