i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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