My first STD was from a foam party
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
