I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
