Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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