Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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