U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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