in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Randomize
