she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
