thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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