Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Can you bring me the toilet please
Let's get the cat blown out
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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