So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
