who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
