Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
