I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
