I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
