i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
