the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
