Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Less talking, more tequila
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
