i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
What a dumb baby whore.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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