we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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