I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
