Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
