Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize