He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize