A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
