I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
