how can u be prego again
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize