Kareoke will never be a sober sport
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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