Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
