Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
