Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
