One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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