so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
