with your own penis?
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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