Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
