Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
