apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
